Dystopia and American Individualism

Today I learned the word “centi-millionaire.” I did not want to know this word. I did not require a vocabulary for gradations of unimaginable wealth. I did not want to imagine billionaires benevolently sharing social theories, real estate tips, and 60-year-old wine with their scrappy li’l neighbors in the soundless, glinting moneyscape of the topmost fraction of a percent. But now I know, and I cannot un-know.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Hot Frigging Chocolate

When our government lays the groundwork for conditions that thoughtful people cogently compare to Nazi Germany and fascist Italy; when our president issues racist orders and statements unrepentantly; when our elected representatives appear to ignore millions of constituents who insist on full rejection of a racist, sexist, sadistic set of know-nothings running our most important federal agencies and a Nazi on the National Security Council is this a waking nightmare or are you just happy to see me; I have but one recommendation:

Put equal amounts of sugar and cocoa powder in a saucepan over medium heat. Dribble in milk (dairy for maximum custardy taste!) and whisk to make a paste. When it’s smoooooove, whisk in more milk until the color looks yum. Heat over medium until it bubbles around the edges, and then keep heating it a bit longer to toast the milk sugars for nutty puddingness.

If you overmilked it and you’re like damn just opening Twitter today requires heroic chocolate this is no time for even an illusion of moderation (Elizabeth Warren, I’m talking to you), just whisk in more cocoa and sugar. Do not fear lumps. They will whisk away. Relish these easily fixable problems.

Ladle some out some to the clammering younglings, sure, but the point of this whole endeavor is to pour vodka into your own cup of hot fucking chocolate. And drink it. Bourbon would probably work too.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Rationalizing the Future

By numbering these steps to likely self-destruction, I hope to provide a comforting illusion of linearity:

  1. Commit with passion to a dizzying barrage of lies
  2. Undermine, threaten, and ban the press, who may otherwise credibly report on one’s actions
  3. Question the legitimacy of democratic processes
  4. Laugh about regulations and norms that would constrain an executive’s decisions within long-established ethical boundaries
  5. Dare lawmakers to confirm the most racist, sexist, anti-queer, anti-love, anti-voter, anti-truth, anti-science cabinet imaginable
  6. Courageously maintain one’s dedication to lying
  7. Start passing laws and issuing executive orders that will kill people–by taking away our health care, by poisoning our water, by allowing our climate to warm unchecked until it is uninhabitable, by any number of callous, self-aggrandizing, thoughtless potentials
  8. Foment chaos. In one’s daily operations. In health care markets. In politics. In discourse
  9. Mock (and rape and assault) the vulnerable
  10. Maintain and strengthen business and political connections that will operate directly against the interests of the citizens of the United States
  11. Issue gag orders on thousands of employees
  12. Speak only lies.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Activist for Hire

Earlier this week, I shuffled off this mortally cerebral coil and participated in a direct political action, like those Indivisible friends suggested, to shame my Republican senator into changing his mind about ACA repeal.

It didn’t work.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , ,

Too Many Know-Nothings

I keep meaning to polish a piece on the many potential, disastrous TrumpCares, but the health care news changes too fast for a day-gigging TfH to keep up! Today, though, a li’l gem came through the nethole quick enough for a brief day gig break:

DT has appointed a White House health care adviser that believes that birth control constitutes medical malpractice.

The only technology besides the printing press that singlehandedly enacted massive social change. The technology that let women work outside the home. Effect self-determination. Find meaning in an identity that is not exclusively maternal. Experience pleasure without consequence (obvies that’s the god squad’s actual problem with repro health).

Our economy relies on the pill because we need two incomes to even barely try to stay afloat.

Plus also BIRTH CONTROL PREVENTS CONCEPTION, WHICH IN TURN PREVENTS ABORTION. If you want to end abortion, give everyone a LARC. Unless abortion-hate itself masks the real belief: that women shouldn’t have sex. Which is the only way I can understand any of this.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , ,

Theory of a Bully

Political theory!

Donald Duck plans to gut Hillary Clinton’s signature work in the State Department out of revenge for her kicking his ass (3 million more votes!) and wiping his gilded counters with it, with a smile, all over the place everywhere except for a few folks in key rust belt states.

Or maybe it’s not about petty, petty-ass schoolboy revenge. Maybe he really does hate that the US government has worked to prevent genital mutilation, human trafficking, and the state-sponsored or supported imprisonment, rape, and murder of women and girls advocating for their own rights in other nations.

Maybe he’s just a simple man who only wants, in his 24K heart, to gut all government spending on human rights, civil rights, and the mitigation of climate change-driven devastation. Maybe deep down in his soul, all he asks from Santa is to divert that money to nuclear warheads, like all the country’s blood rushing to a massive erection, the spectacle of his power.

Tagged , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: